SPANKING MACHINES (COMMENT). My niece Molly commented here that she likes the family stories I tell here because her father tells different ones. I saw Molly and her family over the weekend, and I asked her what stories my brother tells. She said that he tells the story about the spanking machine. Her daughter Mia grinned at the mention of this story. This is the story about the spanking machine: When my twin brother and I were quite young, we were, I gather, wrangling and generally misbehaving while my mother was shopping. I recall the store as being something like Sears Roebuck. There were a lot of machines on display. My mother said, “We’re going to buy a spanking machine. What color would you like?” I said red. My brother said blue. We started wrangling about that until we realized the full import of what had been said.
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This is one of my favorite, favorite stories ever. I think it’s appealing for two main reasons, 1) it’s always fun to hear about your parents being bad as children, and 2) even pretty young kids are capable of catching the joke, which always made me feel good. I’m so happy that Mia enjoys this story as well.
I heard a lot about spanking machines from my mom. I think this threat is slowly going the way of the buffalo.
I think another reason the story is appealing is that stories where the parent prevails in a situation like this are unusual. My mother often had a twinkle in her eye when she was being strict, and I imagine the twinkle when I tell the story.
Lee, for the sake of history and tradition, I will do my best to threaten my children with spanking machines as the situation warrants. If there isn’t farm equipment handy I’ll draw some spanking machines. Actually ever since Dad first told me this story (I was probably 4), I’ve had a strong mental image of what a spanking machine would look like.
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