“YOU’RE ONLY LOOKING FOR ONE” –ARRANGED MARRIAGES (COMMENT). I found the discussion between Kiki and Nick about my post on arranged marriage very interesting. I’m pleased that the blog was a forum for that kind of discussion. For my part, although marriage and family are the most important things that have happened to me, although I have known a great many happily married couples, and so much literature deals thoughtfully with marriage, I have almost no advice to give about choosing a spouse. Once in my life, I gave helpful advice, and I am proud of that. I worked with a young lawyer and from time to time we would discuss the difficulties of finding a mate in New York City. She is now happily married to a wonderful man and has two lively, engaging daughters. She tells me that she kept my advice in mind when she was dealing with the frustrations that the men she met caused her: “You always said, ‘You’re only looking for one.'” I guess what I told my friend would also be my answer to Kiki’s questions, “What about all the Indian women living in America? What are our options? If all these Indian men are importing brides, what Indian men are left for us to marry?”
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Hi, just by chance I found your recent comments about arranged marriage. I have a 23 year old daughter and I am looking for a suitable marriage material. I have not told her yet about my intentions I first want to see what chances do I stand to find Mr Right for her. Is there any website where I could contact other enquisitive parents looking for the same or prospective candidates themselves who would not feel intimidated to meet the prospective mother in law first. Thank you very much in advance for taking interest in my “odd” enquiry.
Hello again, I’m not the same Kiki as above, but the one who had that discussion with Nick.
I don’t think your response “You’re only looking for one” completely explains the situation of searching for a spouse. Some people follow the theory that the “one” will come along one day and just sweep you off your feet. Others believe spouse hunting is like job hunting, it requires a meticulous amount of concentration, research, and interviewing.
Regardless of what kind theory you subscribe to, I feel it is unfortunate when there is a large population of men who feel they have to leave the country to find a woman to marry.
Not that I necessarily require advice on finding a spouse, I’m doing fine in that department, but I appreciate that people are becoming more aware now of cultural issues that are now American issues. It’s an American issue when a man of Indian descent needs to leave his country of birth to find a wife. This is well beyond an Indian issue. It affects Americans, as it is quite concerning when an influx of immigration occurs by now wives of American men.
Every now and then one of my male friends makes jokes about Russian mail order brides, it’s not so funny anymore now that my people are doing it.